{"id":5836,"date":"2025-11-08T11:44:35","date_gmt":"2025-11-08T11:44:35","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/ikuk.arminfonews.ru\/?p=5836"},"modified":"2025-11-08T11:44:36","modified_gmt":"2025-11-08T11:44:36","slug":"ystavani-sanoivat-etta-olin-tullut-hulluksi-mutta-se-mita-tapahtui-sen-jalkeen-muutti-kaiken","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ikuk.arminfonews.ru\/?p=5836","title":{"rendered":"\u201cYst\u00e4v\u00e4ni sanoivat, ett\u00e4 olin tullut hulluksi. Mutta se, mit\u00e4 tapahtui sen j\u00e4lkeen, muutti kaiken\u2026\u201d"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Yst\u00e4v\u00e4ni kuiskailivat, ett\u00e4 olin menett\u00e4nyt j\u00e4rkeni, kun aloin taas kiinnitt\u00e4\u00e4 huomiota miehiin. Min\u00e4, 54-vuotias nainen, jonka mies oli j\u00e4tt\u00e4nyt. Halusin vain tuntea itseni j\u00e4lleen naiseksi \u2013 kauniiksi, halutuksi, el\u00e4v\u00e4ksi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ja silloin el\u00e4m\u00e4\u00e4ni ilmestyi Viktor. H\u00e4n asui samassa korttelissa, tapasimme joskus puistossa. Aluksi vaihdoimme vain muutaman sanan, mutta v\u00e4hitellen keskustelumme piteniv\u00e4t, ja katseissamme alkoi olla l\u00e4mp\u00f6\u00e4, jota en ollut tuntenut vuosiin.
Er\u00e4\u00e4n\u00e4 p\u00e4iv\u00e4n\u00e4 h\u00e4n pyysi minut treffeille.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P\u00e4\u00e4tin, ett\u00e4 tapaaminen olisi luonani. Valmistin illallisen, sytytin kynttil\u00e4t, puin p\u00e4\u00e4lleni lempimekkoni. Kun h\u00e4n saapui, tunsin syd\u00e4meni hakkaavan kuin nuorena. H\u00e4nen katseensa oli intensiivinen, ja hetken uskoin, ett\u00e4 el\u00e4m\u00e4 antoi minulle viel\u00e4 yhden mahdollisuuden.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ilta kului kauniisti \u2013 viini\u00e4, naurua, l\u00e4mpimi\u00e4 sanoja. Mutta sitten tunnelma muuttui. Kun kynttil\u00e4t paloivat loppuun ja hiljaisuus t\u00e4ytti huoneen, Viktor muuttui. H\u00e4nen \u00e4\u00e4nens\u00e4 oli kylm\u00e4, katse arvioiva.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2013 Sin\u00e4 et oikeasti etsi rakkautta, h\u00e4n sanoi rauhallisesti. \u2013 Sin\u00e4 vain pelk\u00e4\u00e4t olla yksin.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ne sanat sattuivat kuin isku. Tunsin, kuinka veri nousi kasvoilleni. H\u00e4n jatkoi tyynesti, ik\u00e4\u00e4n kuin ei ymm\u00e4rt\u00e4isi, ett\u00e4 jokainen sana viilsi minua syvemm\u00e4lle.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2013 Tarvitset jonkun, joka saa sinut tuntemaan, ett\u00e4 olet viel\u00e4 t\u00e4rke\u00e4. Mutta se ei ole rakkautta. Se on pelkoa.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

En sanonut mit\u00e4\u00e4n. Katsoin h\u00e4nt\u00e4 ja tajusin, ett\u00e4 mies, jonka olin kuvitellut lempe\u00e4ksi ja ymm\u00e4rt\u00e4v\u00e4ksi, olikin vieras. Tyhj\u00e4, kylm\u00e4 ja ylpe\u00e4.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Kun h\u00e4n l\u00e4hti, j\u00e4in istumaan hiljaisuuteen. P\u00f6yd\u00e4ll\u00e4 viini oli j\u00e4\u00e4htynyt, kynttil\u00e4t savusivat. Kaikki, mit\u00e4 olin illaksi suunnitellut \u2013 kauneus, toivo, l\u00e4mp\u00f6 \u2013 oli kadonnut yhden lauseen mukana.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Seuraavana aamuna en itkenyt. Tunsin vain oudon rauhan.
Ymm\u00e4rsin, etten ollut hullu. Olin vain elossa. Ja elossa oleminen tarkoittaa sit\u00e4, ett\u00e4 viel\u00e4kin kaipaa kosketusta, l\u00e4heisyytt\u00e4, l\u00e4mp\u00f6\u00e4.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yst\u00e4v\u00e4ni sanoivat: \u201cMeh\u00e4n varoitettiin sinua.\u201d Mutta he eiv\u00e4t ymm\u00e4rt\u00e4neet. He eiv\u00e4t tienneet, milt\u00e4 tuntuu katsoa peiliin ja huomata, ettei halua en\u00e4\u00e4 olla n\u00e4kym\u00e4t\u00f6n.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Viikkoja my\u00f6hemmin k\u00e4velin taas puistossa. Syksyinen tuuli heilutti puita, lehdet kahisivat jalkojeni alla. En etsinyt en\u00e4\u00e4 Viktoria. Katsoin taivasta, hengitin syv\u00e4\u00e4n ja tunsin, ett\u00e4 olin vihdoin vapaa.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Muutamaa kuukautta my\u00f6hemmin ovelle koputettiin. Se oli alakerran naapuri \u2013 hieman nuorempi mies, lempe\u00e4 hymy ja yst\u00e4v\u00e4lliset silm\u00e4t. H\u00e4n pyysi apua paperit\u00f6iss\u00e4 ja tarjosi kahvia kiitokseksi. Hymyilin, ja vastasin: \u201cMielell\u00e4ni.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

T\u00e4ll\u00e4 kertaa en odottanut mit\u00e4\u00e4n. En suuria lupauksia, en taikaa. Vain hetken, joka tuntui aidolta.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nyt tied\u00e4n, ett\u00e4 ik\u00e4 ei tapa rakkautta. Eik\u00e4 se vie pois halua tuntea el\u00e4m\u00e4\u00e4. Se, mik\u00e4 todella tappaa, on pelko \u2013 pelko siit\u00e4, ett\u00e4 syd\u00e4n s\u00e4rkyy uudestaan.
Min\u00e4 menetin mieheni, menetettyj\u00e4 vuosia ja monta y\u00f6t\u00e4 unta. Mutta l\u00f6ysin sen, mit\u00e4 olin etsinyt koko ajan: itseni.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ja jos joku sanoo, ett\u00e4 olen hullu, niin olkoon niin.
Jos hulluus tarkoittaa sit\u00e4, ett\u00e4 uskallan viel\u00e4 rakastaa, nauraa ja el\u00e4\u00e4 \u2014
sitten olen onnellisesti, rohkeasti ja ylpe\u00e4sti hullu.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Yst\u00e4v\u00e4ni kuiskailivat, ett\u00e4 olin menett\u00e4nyt j\u00e4rkeni, kun aloin taas kiinnitt\u00e4\u00e4 huomiota miehiin. Min\u00e4, 54-vuotias nainen, jonka mies oli j\u00e4tt\u00e4nyt. Halusin vain tuntea itseni \n [...]<\/a>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5837,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3,1,2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5836","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-footto","category-uncategorised","category-video"],"yoast_head":"\n\u201cYst\u00e4v\u00e4ni sanoivat, ett\u00e4 olin tullut hulluksi. 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