{"id":5811,"date":"2025-11-06T12:57:43","date_gmt":"2025-11-06T12:57:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/ikuk.arminfonews.ru\/?p=5811"},"modified":"2025-11-06T12:57:44","modified_gmt":"2025-11-06T12:57:44","slug":"kolme-avioliittoa-kolme-pettymysta-ja-silti-elan","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ikuk.arminfonews.ru\/?p=5811","title":{"rendered":"Kolme avioliittoa. Kolme pettymyst\u00e4. Ja silti el\u00e4n."},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Olen ollut naimisissa kolme kertaa. Kolme kertaa uskoin, ett\u00e4 rakkaus voi pelastaa kaiken. Kolme kertaa yritin olla t\u00e4ydellinen vaimo \u2014 lempe\u00e4, kuuliainen, huolehtivainen. Ja kolme kertaa menetin itseni.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ensimm\u00e4inen mieheni l\u00e4hti er\u00e4\u00e4n\u00e4 aamuna. Ei riitaa, ei selityst\u00e4. H\u00e4n vain sanoi:
«En jaksa en\u00e4\u00e4 sinua. Sinussa ei ole mit\u00e4\u00e4n uutta.»<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Silloin en ymm\u00e4rt\u00e4nyt. Mit\u00e4 muuta piti tehd\u00e4, ett\u00e4 mies rakastaisi? Tein kaiken \u2014 kokkasin, pesin, hoidin lapset, olin uskollinen. Ja silti se ei riitt\u00e4nyt. Yht\u00e4kki\u00e4 olin yksin, kahden pienen lapsen \u00e4iti, hiljaisessa asunnossa, jossa kaikui vain oma hengitykseni.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Toinen mies tuli, kun olin jo uskonut, ett\u00e4 osaan olla parempi vaimo. Olin kokenut, varovainen, valmis antamaan uuden mahdollisuuden. Annoin taas kaiken. Synnytin lis\u00e4\u00e4 lapsia, tein t\u00f6it\u00e4, yritin rakentaa turvallisen kodin.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mutta el\u00e4m\u00e4 ei antanut armoa. Rahaa ei ollut tarpeeksi, h\u00e4n tienasi v\u00e4h\u00e4n, ja min\u00e4 tein kahta ty\u00f6t\u00e4. Kun sairastuin, kaikki muuttui. H\u00e4n alkoi vet\u00e4yty\u00e4, kadota, v\u00e4ltell\u00e4. Lopulta kuulin, ett\u00e4 h\u00e4n asui toisen naisen luona \u2014 nuoremman, terveemm\u00e4n, huolettoman.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Kun palasin sairaalasta, huoneet olivat tyhj\u00e4t. H\u00e4nen vaatteensa poissa, hyllyll\u00e4 vieraan hajuveden tuoksu. Jopa vedenkeitin, jonka olimme ostaneet yhdess\u00e4, oli kadonnut. Silloin romahdin. Huusin, en surusta vaan vihasta.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Kolmas mies ilmestyi, kun olin jo menett\u00e4nyt uskon rakkauteen. H\u00e4n vaikutti erilaiselta \u2014 rauhallinen, huomaavainen, l\u00e4mmin. H\u00e4n sanoi, ett\u00e4 olen vahva nainen, ett\u00e4 ansaitsen onnen. Halusin uskoa h\u00e4nt\u00e4. Menimme naimisiin nopeasti, ajattelematta liikaa.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mutta rauha ei kest\u00e4nyt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Aluksi pienet asiat: kylm\u00e4 katse, piikittelev\u00e4t sanat. Sitten loukkaukset. H\u00e4n sanoi, ett\u00e4 olen «taakka», ett\u00e4 olen liian vanha, ett\u00e4 minusta ei ole hy\u00f6ty\u00e4. Olin hiljaa, koska pelk\u00e4sin taas j\u00e4\u00e4v\u00e4ni yksin.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Er\u00e4\u00e4n\u00e4 iltana h\u00e4n tuli kotiin humalassa ja heitti minua lautasella. Lautanen s\u00e4rkyi, ja poskelleni tuli haava. Katsoin verta, joka valui hitaasti, ja ymm\u00e4rsin \u2014 nyt riitt\u00e4\u00e4.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

En huutanut. En itkenyt. Pakkasin tavarani ja l\u00e4hdin.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Seuraavana p\u00e4iv\u00e4n\u00e4 naapuri sanoi:
«Sin\u00e4 olet rohkea. Mutta sinulla tulee olemaan vaikeaa.»
Vastasin:
«Vaikeaa oli jo. Nyt on aika el\u00e4\u00e4.»<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nyt olen ollut kaksi vuotta yksin. Teen t\u00f6it\u00e4, nauran, hengit\u00e4n vapaasti. Ja tied\u00e4tk\u00f6, mit\u00e4 olen oppinut?
Onni ei ole miehess\u00e4. Onni on siin\u00e4, ett\u00e4 vihdoin tunnen itseni.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

En etsi en\u00e4\u00e4 t\u00e4ydellist\u00e4 miest\u00e4. Rakennan t\u00e4ydellisen el\u00e4m\u00e4n \u2014 oman.
Jos joku joskus astuu el\u00e4m\u00e4\u00e4ni, h\u00e4nen on ymm\u00e4rrett\u00e4v\u00e4: en en\u00e4\u00e4 koskaan ole hiljainen ja alistuva.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

En en\u00e4\u00e4 anele rakkautta.
Olen oppinut rakastamaan itse\u00e4ni.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ehk\u00e4 se on suurin yll\u00e4tys kaikista \u2014 ett\u00e4 kaiken kivun j\u00e4lkeen l\u00f6ysin rauhan juuri siell\u00e4, miss\u00e4 ennen oli tyhjyys.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Olen ollut naimisissa kolme kertaa. Kolme kertaa uskoin, ett\u00e4 rakkaus voi pelastaa kaiken. Kolme kertaa yritin olla t\u00e4ydellinen vaimo \u2014 lempe\u00e4, kuuliainen, huolehtivainen. \n [...]<\/a>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5812,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3,1,2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5811","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-footto","category-uncategorised","category-video"],"yoast_head":"\nKolme avioliittoa. Kolme pettymyst\u00e4. 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